


Wishes & Regrets

by sassenachwaffles



Series: Waffs: DOA Timeline [1]
Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/F, F/M, wee bit o fluff, wee bit o sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 22:00:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15615951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassenachwaffles/pseuds/sassenachwaffles
Summary: It was a small miracle I thought- Brianna’s natural capability to be a mother. Rationally I knew that the rush of hormones, the skin-to-skin bonding, and just the evolutionary innate reaction is for a mother to care for her child- yet, it hadn’t quite been that way for me. I was almost convinced my daughter did not inherit these skills from me.





	Wishes & Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Canon compliant, DOA timeline, missing moment. #Spoilers if you haven't read the books.

I took a step and heard the wood floors creak beneath my feet. Slowly, I rounded the corner and leaned myself against the wall. I watched as our daughter cradled our grandson to her chest and listened to the soft coos she mumbled to him trying to rock him to sleep.

It was a small miracle I thought- Brianna’s natural capability to be a mother. Rationally I knew that the rush of hormones, the skin-to-skin bonding, and just the evolutionary innate reaction is for a mother to care for her child- yet, it hadn’t quite been that way for me. I was almost convinced my daughter did not inherit these skills from me.

I heard the foreign hum of a tune my ears once might have known and smiled to myself as I watched Bree switch Jem from her right arm to her left. The glow of the candles illuminated her red hair and as she turned slightly in her step, the frame of her face took my breath away.

All these years and she still looked just like him. 

The emotion welled in my chest. 20 years of moments, touches, memories, which the three of us missed.

I could feel my husband’s presence behind me. He moved like a cat in the night, always quick and light on his feet. The floorboards didn’t creak under his feet, but I wasn’t startled when I felt his arms wrap around my waist and his head rested on my shoulder.

_“Hmmm.”_ I mumbled as he pulled me against his taut body.

“What is on yer mind, mo nighean donn?” He asked, kissing my neck. His stubble against my skin sent chills down my spine.

“Nothing.” I said in a slightly terse tone. Jamie stiffened at my tone. I took my hand and reached up his arm squeezing it.

“Ye canna say nothing like that, Sassenach, and no’ expect me to pester ye for an answer.”

“What if I told you it would sound funny if I said it out loud?”

I felt his body chuckle at me as he brushed a curl from out of my face. “I ken ye like the back of my hand, Sassenach. There is no’ a thing ye could tell me that would sound daft.”

“Jamie… I…” I started and he squeezed me closer.

“Whatever it is, ye ken, we’re here. I am here. It is the two of us now, ye told me that once. Dinna be afraid.”

“Hm.” I grumbled, through a small smile, and took a breath. “I was just admiring her, over there.”

“I ken that much.”

“Again, it sounds funny in my head. But…”

“Just try.”

“I was just wondering, where she got such good maternal instincts.” I took my arms and crossed them, clutching Jamie’s arms. I did it to try and close the rest of the imaginary distance between us, in a way, tethering myself to the present. I took a breath and leaned into my husband further.

“Sure, I was a mother. I raised her, gave her shelter, food, an education. I loved her- I do love her, and I always will. It’s not that I don’t love her Jamie, I do…”

I was stopped by his hand over my mouth, “Yer worried ye werena a good enough mother to her? Aye?”

_“Bloody fool.”_

“Claire…”

“Look at her- she looks and acts just like you. It was so hard, to see you in her every day and then to see Frank… It wasn’t right. I just wanted to raise her with you—I was selfish. I couldn’t look back but I also couldn’t look forward. I was stagnant.” I felt a tear fall down my face and Jamie wiped it with his calloused hands. “For twenty years, I was stuck in molasses. I dove myself into medical school and work—I haven’t even told you about the time she got hurt and I wasn’t there…”

“Sassenach.” Jamie said sternly grabbing my elbows and turning me to face him. I could see a small film of tears over his eyes and a fierceness on his face, I for once, couldn’t read. “Do not finish yer thoughts. There _couldna, wouldna_ be a better mother for my children. You dinna get to doubt yerself. Ever.”

He kissed me, angrily and with a hint of sadness- his own way of conveying how sorry he was for the twenty years we were parted. I opened my mouth for him, slowly tracing his bottom lip. His hands found the small of my back and he pulled me even tighter towards him. I could feel how badly he wanted he and as I opened my eyes I could see the urgency in which he planned on carrying out his desires.

“Well, then.” I said breathless. “I told you it sounded silly.”

“Ye gave me a child Claire, and because of her, ye gave me a grandchild. It’s no’ how we planned, but we are here. That is all that matters now, ye ken?”

I nodded at him, as I heard a slight cough from down the hall and I felt the temperature rise in my cheeks. Bree laughed as she spoke, “Get a room.”

“Aye, lass. I am planning so.” Jamie said with a grin on his face. He took my hand and led me up the stairs to our room and whispered to me softly, “Let me show ye how grateful I am for ye, Claire. For I wouldn’t change a thing.”

He did, and I was reminded- I wouldn’t have changed a single thing either.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank YOU for reading!


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